Friday, March 27,2009

Well here is the real picture!

When a man wants to get married he has to wait until he has enough money to pay for a bride. A couple meets and falls in love; most marriages are not arranged any more except for in the remote villages; but it may take three or four years for the man to earn enough. The uncle of the bride receives the dowry not the parents, so the uncles will push for the girls to marry when they are very young.

Our liaison, Maureen, went to a university on a scholarship and her parents really had to fight the uncle because he wanted to marry her off. The family has never recovered because Maureen never married and since she is now 40 the uncle knows that she is past marrying age and he will never receive his due.

Once a couple is married the bride cannot even call her husband by his first name. She must call him Mr. Garner. During the first years of marriage the wife must bow down on one knee when she serves him food. She has to serve every member of his family the same way. If he brings the rest of his family to live with them the wife must wash their clothes, cook, and clean for them.
If she does not serve well enough she will be beaten by the husband’s family and they can ask for the bridal price back. She may be beaten by her own relatives because they have already spent the dowry and cannot afford to return it.

Of course I am such an obedient wife so our housekeeper and cook get such a kick out of me. Brad has asked them to teach me, but as soon as he leaves they whisper to me, “I support you – you do not need to change.” He tells them he is going to get a Zambian wife. One said, “Good, leave Sydney here.” The women have no voice. Every once in a while I bow down and call Brad, Mr. Garner and then I give the girls a ‘thumbs up’ they just giggle.